the weight.
wanna just ramble for a minute about the heavier side of coming home to our bodies. and listen, this is purely my slow-rollin-back-to-self experience and perspective for whatever it’s worth.
so let me first start by sharing the absolute magnificence of this returning. i have never felt more truly alive. more comfortable. more at ease in this body. so that, friends, is wholly worth the journey.
AND that being said, as in life there’s opposites and balancing and fluctuations that will always remind us of the polarity. the yin, the yang. the light and the dark. our humanness. and what i am learning is this …
the amount of work i put in toward BEING in this body is legit. sitting, moving, breathing, walking {on a roll this year 🙌} my way into this nervous system that feels safe and secure and supported. and most of the time these days i am at ease in these steps. one foot in front of the other in alignment and integrity and curiosity. AND AND, because of that embodied ease i am also so súper aware when the nervous system ignites. i mean it feels like my whole damn body is electric. the intensity is for real. and this uncomfortableness is the weight this returning brings. and i’m still learning how to lean into all of my resources and take a minute to find my feet again before sliding right back into a patterned rut of snapping sharply or shutting TF down.
which I still do sometimes. just less. my point is this … all of this work has actually intensified my sensitivity(-ies). where before I was living in such a heightened state {tense} of “preparedness” and on the look out for the next ball to drop that I didn’t feel the alert, I just snapped the ball or caught said ball and didn’t respond at all.
the heavier side, tho. is also a pretty brilliant side. all those electric feeling messengers. “whoa whoa whoa something has threatened the ease and peace and contentment. what is my role and responsibility in this moment”. listen, it’s not realistic to believe we’ll walk our paths free of discomfort, when it presents, am i noticing and am i showing up for myself and my people in a way that offers a slice of this safety and security and ground i’ve discovered.
and listen, this means my crew and i are consistently working on compassion and saying we’re sorry and we’re gonna try again tomorrow.
bc we can curate a life of ease to the best of our abilities and life is still gonna show on up all uncontrolled and shit. what’s the point of the ease we’ve created if we are not offering it to ourselves and the world when we need it most. it’s fucking hard. to stay wild and grounded when life is pushing up against or resisting everything you know in your soul to be true and yet here we are.
we’re ok. we’re fine. trying again today. and trying again tomorrow. i do know this hard ass work of embodiment, of presence, of attunement is reflected. I see it. and I’ll keep at it. for me. for them. for you. for us.
even if it means sighing it all TF out, calling it a damn day and trying again tomorrow 🙏
may it be so. aho.