the middle.
a little free write on these words that kept coming up in the quiet.
the middle
what if it was easy
“Want a mediocre life or a magnificent life”
oh goooodnesssss. those last words. i feel certain I’ve written about this before and spoken about it before and yet it feels important to revisit.
now listen, i am sure that my teacher had positive intentions and yet those words sent me nearly off the deep end. and even further away from this body and truly living. the words made me for a hot minute believe that my life as it was was not enough. that I was not enough. and it pitched me faster on a hamster wheel of exhaustion and performance. and why was that a lil extra problematic for me … welp in hindsight I can see i had been running one step ahead of this body since I was 18 years old. not wanting myself or anyone else to land near the truth of it and certainly not hold her entirety … that was just too much for me to handle. and if I pushed down or ran or smiled or pleased enough not one person would question my insides, my feelings … my wellness. and how do I know, because that is exactly what happened. and y’all she wore slick out. slowly gently and not always gracefully ;) finding her way back these last 7 years..
to the middle of me.
the middle if I’m patient enough to arrive
is a beautiful landing of ease and grace and enoughness.
the middle to me symbolizes the present moment (not the past, not the future). and to be more truthful my life as it was and my life as it is is pretty fucking magnificent. holy shit, these children and these friendships and this work and the experiences i find myself with and connected to are like fireflies of light. such beauty right here in the moment and in my body and oh my gawd so much more so than when i was in hustle abandon and numb and you know what I nearly missed it. I almost overlooked it. and i am grieving for what i did miss along the way. what i I breezed right passed in hopes of something better or in hopes of something worse, not being seen at all. and at the very same time i am giving it up to the fighter in me, the deep rooted healer in me. the resilient intuitive in me that continues leading me home.
what i am learning in my old ass age 🤪 is that life doesn’t have to be so ducking hard all the time. i invite you to ask yourself this question, what if it is easy too. what if we softened a jaw, a shoulder, a belly and landed for a minute too. i would bet the house that you have struggled plenty and even if not it doesn’t matter ease and rest and reception are yours to hold too.
and it’s first hand knowing here … that in those moments of surrender that the body mind and spirit can all come online to integrate and heal. I’ve shared this nugget with many a friend and client as it’s been so truthful and powerful on my journey … growth and evolution is only sustainable if it’s grounded in a knowing, an awareness, an appreciation for where we are right this moment (good bad indifferent). that doesn’t mean we don’t want more or that there’s not more for us, it’s that our more expands from this grounded and integrated and present space that is rooted in what is most aligned for us … in the moment.
i am in a deep journeying still that is wild and winding and am here to listen and pay attention and to trust this returning to the middle every new day.
and as always there is a hand open and heart out inviting you too 🙏