carebear ;)

#ramblinofheart

on this ever long journey of becoming it does seem that at nearly every turn there is something to be curious about. 

something that nags for my attention to dig a little deeper. 

i’m by nature pretty curious but this curiosity i’m referring to is different.

maybe longing is a better word. I don’t know. there may not be a word. as a feeler it’s often a felt sense that nudges me more closely to something. 

the last month or so it’s been toward my idea of support. how I give and receive it. 

and how it makes me feel. 

as a pretty independent person. a strong ass gal 💁‍♀️it is not comfortable for me to ask for support. to ask for help. and certainly not ask to be cared for. truth is I can fully care for myself BUT what I’ve neglected to notice is below that well cared-for-heart is one that is beating un-cared-for to the punch. 

i sure can take care of myself AND you know what, I want to be cared for too.  and dissecting what care looks like and feels like and remembering it is not the same for everyone. and the capacity to care is different for me, for you, for them. and different at different times. honoring what I need, what I want and what is available from the people I surround myself with.  choosing to show up fully in the ways that I know how to, noticing when it’s from depletion vs overflow and the kickbacks to my system depending on that scale.   because y’all, there are kickbacks and they are beautiful messengers 📣 and holy shit celebrating the amazing carebears in my life that not only have my back but have my heart too and can look me in the eyes and say “call your power back”. 

and my most favorite learning … I’ve got myself at the base and that allows me to be curious and stay curious  vs dropping too deeply into not-enough-ness. 

I love caring for people and caring people.  i was saying “I love you” loudly to friends before it was cool 🤪 it makes me feel so good and complete to follow a thought of a person all the way through to a check in of that person even when it’s a lil awkward or it’s been too long or i just texted yesterday 🤪🤪 and knowing and remembering this nugget, i am gonna dig a lil deeper. 

after writing this I heard a podcast guest say something along the lines of … our longing is a gift. it is what truly leads us to our purpose and our wholeness and so maybe a caring and compassionate world is my longing and if so I am gonna accept and lean on in ✨ 

may these words find you well 

find you loved 

find you lifted and 

find you supported. 

may it be so. 

aho.