joy.
joy.
where does it live
how does it live
can it thrive amidst the chaos very alive in my heart + mind
this befriending joy has been a journey all its own. one that kick started several years ago when I realized i was triggered by the word grateful.
it seemed to be a word that was often empty, overused, lacking depth and forced
and y’all surface and empty, i’ve learned, not what I’m here for 🎶
so i took a hard look at myself and thought what can I do to strengthen my relationship with gratitude and balance this icky, eye rollin bodily sensation that arises this time of year and my joy journey began.
it was humbling to realize i truly did not know what joy meant to me. Intellectually, sure, I could define it and could offer up a canned {although honest} answer, my kids. but beyond the surface i didn’t really know. {technically not all that surprising after years of dissociation}
and so i started paying attention. funny how that awareness piece is such a HUGE part of a growth and expansion puzzle.
i started researching + reading + placing attention upon joy.
when was it there.
what did it feel like.
who + what sparked it.
and why.
and listen, this joy journey was not/is not always what we think it is or will be. along side the joy, creeped in doubt and guilt and unworthiness.
when we are not taught the skill of knowing ourselves, the learning/unlearning is often painful. the realization of time wasted + love lost + peace + contentment missed and maybe most difficult for me the are you even worthy in this way. is the no pain/no gain + hustle + striving + burnout + the bank account not what we are taught make us worthy or resilient or successful. where’s the joy in that shit?
joy I am learning is alive for me in the microcosmic of moments … warmth, fresh crisp air, beauty, color, music, movement, writing, organic connection, heart felt conversation, flow, ease, ritual and the feeling these experiences ignite and vibrate is macrocyclic energy that supports me so well.
an energy that’s electric yes and simultaneously softens the edges of anger + grief + sadness + frustration + justice that most definitely are alive in me too.
social media is a really tough spot for me*, feels important at this point in our lives and yet it brings me little joy. these platforms that resist our ability to be seen unless we meet someone else’s idea of what is worthy of being visible #fuckanalgorithm my heart just doesn’t work that way. one of my greatest joys tho is holding space for people to take up space, to be seen, to be heard, to breathe into their bodies so fully they have no other option but to be their fullest expression and then to release and ease that into the world with an exhale.
this joy journey, learning how to be alive with it, with myself as a catalyst for it, while simultaneously weeping for our world and the injustice and suffering that lives here too is changing my world. and honestly, isn’t that the work, being the change we wish to see in the world?
#oof #sigh
this joy journey is very alive for me and ramblin right on out muh ♥️ .
and maybe more alive because it is also our topic for Sunday and obviously, I’m here for it 😉
friends, allow your joy to be living.
learn what it is for you.
how to access it l
and allow it to soften the edges
and be a balm that keeps us passionate and on purpose.
again, here for that ♥️
{*insert website that will always be a work in progress and {WO}man am i so very grateful for those joining me here #joy 🙏 thank you <3}
joy: wearing Becky's mink. a coat I would never buy but joyfully wore. her energy is in it. her smell made me cry. her joy for a celebration or party very alive in me too. and just putting it on, I felt her and the reminder to keep my eyes open to joy.